The Bandit — Chief Chaos Officer
Special Skills: Time theft, petty mischief, morale sabotage (in the fun way).
Fun Fact: Once canceled a meeting by hiding the conference room door. Legend.
Sam — VP of Passive Aggression
Fluent in: Slack subtweets, “Per my last email” diplomacy, and weaponized silence.
Favorite Hobby: Scheduling unnecessary meetings… then canceling them.
The Bandit — Chief Chaos Officer
Special Skills: Time theft, petty mischief, morale sabotage (in the fun way).
Fun Fact: Once canceled a meeting by hiding the conference room door. Legend.
Sam — VP of Passive Aggression
Fluent in: Slack subtweets, “Per my last email” diplomacy, and weaponized silence.
Favorite Hobby: Scheduling unnecessary meetings… then canceling them.
Steve — Senior Procrastination Engineer
Core Strengths: Last-minute brilliance, meme curation, pretending to be “heads down.”
Motto: “If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.”
Dave — Director of Existential Crises
Specialty: Making you question every life choice by the second coffee break.
Famous Quote: “Is this really what we were born to do?”
Steve — Senior Procrastination Engineer
Core Strengths: Last-minute brilliance, meme curation, pretending to be “heads down.”
Motto: “If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.”
Dave — Director of Existential Crises
Specialty: Making you question every life choice by the second coffee break.
Famous Quote: “Is this really what we were born to do?”
Casey — Surveillance Specialist
Talent: Knows who’s dating, who’s quitting, who’s crying in the bathroom.
Warning: Nothing is truly a secret.
Eddie — Chief Snack Officer
Responsibilities: Hoarding communal snacks, judging others’ lunches silently, and initiating emergency pizza orders during “critical brainstorming sessions.”
Superpower: Smelling fresh pizza two floors away.
Casey — Surveillance Specialist
Talent: Knows who’s dating, who’s quitting, who’s crying in the bathroom.
Warning: Nothing is truly a secret.
Eddie — Chief Snack Officer
Responsibilities: Hoarding communal snacks, judging others’ lunches silently, and initiating emergency pizza orders during “critical brainstorming sessions.”
Superpower: Smelling fresh pizza two floors away.
